Archive for the 'The Horrible Beast' Category


Tomorrow I am off to Idaho.  I have no idea what kind of internet service I will be dealing with in Sun Valley, but I suspect it will be tricky to post.  I need a laptop- bad.  The good news is that it looks like the schedule will be a lot more relaxed in Idaho than it was at Apple Hill.  Hopefully, I will be able to spare the time to waste on whatever rusty-old-public-library-dial-up-computer-from-the-dawn-of-time I can locate.  I’ll do my best to post on location. 

On a totally different subject…..

I got an email from the woman who adopted Trixie today.  Apparently Trixie has made friends with the male cat and the two of them hang out all day together. And get this- they sleep together. This is mind blowing on so many levels.  I never EVER would have guessed that Trixie would be such a champ after her big transition.  I have been waiting to get the email from Alicia telling me that Trixie murdered the dog and burned down the house, but it hasn’t come.  Apparently, Trixie is happy.  This fills my heart with joy and also makes me a little sad.

I can’t believe she got over me so quickly. 

I’m not quite done with this drama.  I’m not as ready to move on.  I mean, I know that things were not perfect between us and we had been drifting apart for a long time, but……dang.  After I dumped Trixie, I sort of expected her to send me long winded poetry, or call me all desperate after a night of too much to drink.  I guess that technically I’m the one who broke it off between us, but I never expected her to just move on as if our relationship meant absolutely nothing.

That’s just cold, Trixie.  How about a little respect for the love that we shared?

I’ll never get oooh-virrrrr yooou, getting ooooh-viiiirrrrrr meeeeee.



It is pretty lonely at home without Trixie.  Every time I walk through the door I am a little sad when she isn’t there to greet me for a belly rub.  I have also come to realize that Trixie represented a good excuse to talk to myself all day long.  Without Trixie, I am simply a kook, babbling alone.  I miss her. 

Because getting out of town was so hectic I left my apartment a bit messy.  One of the most depressing things about returning home was the realization that although Trixie has moved to Batavia, her hair is still all over my apartment.  Today I started thoroughly cleaning.   Since I am seldom motivated to really clean (I am an expert at the 30 minute superficial wipe down), it is quite a chore when I finally get down to business.  I don’t know how normal people clean, but I seem to need to pull everything apart and then reassemble.  My apartment currently looks like a bomb exploded in here which is a bit worrisome considering I am leaving again on Saturday morning and I am working quite a bit in the next two days.  Oh well.  Operation Vacuum Cat Hair moves valiantly forward.

Speaking of hair, I got a hair cut today- just a trim to remove all of the frizzy split ends.  I have been rocking the long hair all year.  My normal guy costs almost seventy dollars after tip, and the last time I got a cut not one person noticed.  My hair is long, curly, and layered.  It is pretty hard to screw my hair up since it contains no straight lines.  I seriously considered cutting my own hair this morning, but thankfully I came to my senses before I took a pair of dull office scissors to my tresses.  I decided on a compromise between a self butchering, and my overpriced regular gay guy, Angel (pronounced Anhel).  I went to Supercuts.  You’re not going to believe this, but a hair cut at Supercuts is eleven dollars and fifty cents.  I tipped the gal $3.50, and got out of there for an even $15.  Maybe I am smoking crack, but I think my hair looks perfectly nice, certainly better than when I walked into Supercuts.  Until I decide it’s time to get a dramatically shorter hair-do, Supercuts is the place for me.

$11.50, people.


Today the universe is conspiring to slow me down. I am in a big hurry today because I have to pack up all of mine and Trixie’s stuff so that she can get to Batavia and I can get to New Hampshire tomorrow. I purposefully procrastinated getting ready to leave so that today, my last day with The Beast, wouldn’t be spent moping about and crying. I wanted to be busy today and I arranged everything so that I would have to haul ass to get out of here on schedule.

Well, now I am screwed.

Currently, I am locked out of my apartment without my cellphone.

Due to a set of rather odd circumstances I do have keys to Robin’s house, so here I am, waitng for her to rescue me for the second time today. She already rescued me once today when she helped me fish my keys out from the sewer drain.


There are not enough capital letters in the world to convey my frustration right now.

It’s not worth the energy to explain how I ended up locked out AGAIN. All I am willing to say at this point is that IT’S NOT MY FAULT. Yes, this is the type of scrape I am prone to find myself in, but this time it is NOT MY FAULT.


I don’t anticipate blogging much for the next month. If anyone out there want to spend $1400 on me, I need an ibook. (Alex Blumberg, I’m looking at you. You are making tv money now, and I have been such a good imaginary girlfriend.) It is hard to post away from home without a laptop.


Robin’s home! Rescuing me for the second time today!  My hero.

The Trixie Solution

Img_0318_2I think I have found Trixie a home.   If all goes well, I will be dropping her off in Batavia on my way to New Hampshire on Tuesday.  The good news is that the couple who agreed to adopt her seem utterly unfazed by my descriptions of Trixie’s "special" quirks.  The bad news is that the couple already has two cats and a dog.  Trixie is about to have her little world turned upside down.  I think that the good and the bad balance each other out with this solution.  This couple seems angelically patient with wayward animals.  I believe very strongly that Trixie’s new owners will make every conceivable effort to help Trixie adjust.  All I can do now is cross my fingers and pray pray pray that little Trixie can, for once in her life, be flexible. 

Thank you so much to all of my friends and blog readers for listening to me ramble on so much about Trixie.  Please do me one last favor, and send Trixie some good, calm vibes to help her on her way to her new life. Now that this is pretty much settled,  I am so sad.  I think this is the right thing for both of us, but actually saying goodbye is going to be rough.   

There is another lady that I will be saying goodbye to this weekend- Amelie.  Amelie is off to find her fame and fortune at Yale University.  I am pretty sure that much of the drama I have created around saying goodbye to Trixie is really just a distraction from the big sadness, which is that Amelie won’t be here next year. 

On the other hand, Amelie and I are adult humans, with cars and cell phones.  As hard as it will be to say goodbye to our Buffalo friendship, I know that we will always be in close touch.   I think that in order to say goodbye to Amelie, I am going to have to focus on our ability to stay close, even from afar. 

The Trixie Problem

Img_0751Damn cat.

Just look at her there, all, "ha ha, you love me."

Trixie is officially the bane of my existence.  She represents all of my hopes and fears- in cat form. 

There are times when I am afraid that I will always be alone.  Not just single, but alone.   These are the times when I love Trixie the most.  It is nice to be needed and loved.  It is wonderful to have a belly to scratch when I am sad.  Trixie is stupid (even for a cat), but she is my stupid little cat.  We are a team, and my life is sweeter for having a teammate.  I love Trixie.


Trixie is needy (even for a cat).

I want to be able to jump on a plane at a moments notice.  I want to leave the country for months at a time.  I want to be able to play in far flung music festivals without feeling guilty.  I am tired of begging, pleading, paying my friends to feed her when I am away.  She wants, and needs more than I have to give.  She deserves a better home.  I feel so insanely guilty about her.

Trixie perfectly represents my conflicting desire to both settle down, and to break out and explore.

So basically, I am having an early mid-life crisis…….and I blame Trixie.


I am going to be out of town for four of the next five weeks.  I have tried- I swear I have tried to find Trixie a new home, but as of right now, she is still all mine.   I have been praying that something miraculous would happen, and some saintly soul would make themselves known and I could give Trixie away, knowing that she would be loved.

I think I am going to have to bring her with me, in the car to New Hampshire.  Then, in two weeks I will drive her back here and then leave her alone for another two weeks.  It’s not good.  She is not going to handle her summer plans gracefully.   I’m not taking good enough care of my friend.

Please.  If you know of anyone who would be willing to adopt Trixie, or even take her into their home until August 15th, please let me know.

The amount of time I have spent thinking and talking about Trixie in the last month is absurd.  This situation is slowly driving me insane.  I wish I had some joke to make about that, but I don’t.   

Damn cat.


Img_0176_1 This one is tricky and sad.  I don’t know if Trixie and I can continue living together.   I have raised Trixie from a tiny kitten and we love each other very much, but lately I have been thinking that perhaps there is a better home for her out there somewhere.  One of the biggest mistakes I have ever made is not adopting two kittens when I adopted Trixie.  I would get her another cat, but I think Trix is too stuck in her ways to handle a sibling with grace.  She is so lonely when I leave town and she has such a hard time with strangers.  What Trixie needs most is an owner who travels less.  I am out of town about 8-10 weeks a year.  One of the nagging worries I had about Norway was Trixie.  What on earth would I do with Trixie if I won the job and moved to Norway?  It made me realize that I should begin looking for a good home for her now, so that I can take my time and find her a great new situation.  I feel strongly that I will be moving out of the country someday.  I want to give Trixie the best possible chance to bond to someone new while she is still pretty young (she is three).  Trixie is intensely attached to me.  I have been doing a little research and have learned that cats can reassign their attachment to a new human when ownership changes while the cat is still reasonably young.   So without further ado, Internet, I offer you my precious friend Trixie.

Things About Trixie

Img_0164_1 – She is amusing, that is for sure!  Trixie routinely makes me laugh out loud with her antics.   I have never had a cat with so much personality.   She is talented at amusing herself with various toys.  She does this great routine where she sits on one of her toys for a few seconds and then leaps into the air pretending that she just discovered a dangerous beast under her butt.   

– She is extremely cute and cuddly in the morning.  I regularly wake up to Trixie’s furry face resting on the pillow next to me.  She likes to watch me while I sleep, which is more than I can say for most of the boyfriends I have had. 

– All stories of her attacking and pooping in bad places have been greatly exaggerated for comic effect.  Her litter box issues seem to be completely behind us and were caused because we used to live in an apartment where a previous pet had had accidents on the wall to wall carpet. (and even while still in that apartment we got the situation under complete control) While Trixie can be volatile with grabby strangers, she is totally docile with me. 

– I am certain that Trixie can learn to love another.  I am pretty great, but I am not the best person ever.  Trixie just doesn’t realize how many other fabulous people there are in the world.  Once she meets a few patient new friends, she will realize that she wasted her youth on an asshole like me. 

Img_0175_1 I don’t know what to say.  If you (or anyone you might know) would be interested in taking a chance on  a slightly neurotic, but ultimately lovable furry friend, please get in touch with me.  Also, if anyone has any good ideas on how to go about placing my slightly used cat in a good home, please contact me.  I will drive her to almost any location for the promise of a loving home.  I have this dream of Trixie living on a beautiful farm where she can play outside and chase bugs until she is too tired to stand.  It breaks my heart to think of not having her greet me every time I come home, but I really believe she deserves a more consistent home than I can provide.   I’m so sorry Little Friend!

Be Good.

Dear Trixie,Img_0011

As you are totally unaware, my Grandmother died this weekend and I will be traveling to Fargo for her funeral.  I ask for your cooperation during this difficult time.   Things have been going well between us recently, and I need to know I can count on you this week. 

Please do not bite your friend Amy.  Amy’s is the hand that will be feeding you this week.  Don’t bite it.  We have talked about this before. Let’s see if we can’t treat our friends with respect.

Please do not poop on the floor.  I get it.  You don’t like it when I leave.  Well, I don’t like it when my Grandmother dies, but no matter how upset I am feeling, I always use the bathroom.  Because I’m a grown-up.  And so are you.  Acting out in this way is simply ineffectual and it is not helping you to make friends.

And finally, how about you don’t stand by the door and yowl all day long?  This is disturbing to the other tenants- they think you are dying painfully and alone.  I promise that I will return on Sunday.  I promise that Amy will feed you- and if you don’t bite her she might even pet you.   

Trixie, you and I have done the hard work necessary to make this relationship a success.   I know that with your help, our reunion on Sunday night can be joyful. 


The Center of Your Tiny Universe.