I Love the Interwebs

A Ridiculous Day
by Kate Holzemer

10:30: wake-up
10:30: make coffee.  shower.  put on reasonable outfit.  look at the interwebs and comment repeatedly on IPB.  Read hilarious things. 
12:45: spill coffee on laptop!  Laptops sputters and shuts down.  My baby is drowning!  Freak out and run to public library because without the use of a computer I don’t know how to get in contact with Apple Support.  (it never even occurs to me to use the telephone.)
1:00: wind up looking at the interwebs at the public library.  completely fail to solve coffee/laptop problem.  fail to reach anyone at Apple.  decide Apple customer support is maybe not as effing fabulous as they want me to believe.  have perfectly enjoyable time looking at interwebs at the public library.
2:30: leave library and purchase sandwich at Globe market.  this is the first bite of food I eat all day.
2:45: arrive back home and eat sandwich, sadly eye laptop. 
3:00: laptop is cured!  miraculous recovery!  vow never to eat or drink near laptop again.
3:01: enjoy a diet coke and a Fudgesicle while looking at the interwebs.
4:00: practice viola.
5:00: look at interwebs.
5:30: practice viola
5:37: give up on having anything resembling a respectable day.  Put on sweatpants and a t-shirt with a hole in the armpit.  look at interwebs
7:00: Begin cooking current favorite meal, Chick-Pea Delight.  Realize that I only have twenty grains of rice left.  Cook twenty last remaining grains of rice. 
7:30: Eat Chick-pea Delight served over a "bed" of twenty grains of rice.  It’s delightful as usual, even without a reasonable amount of rice.
8:00: look at interwebs
9:00: decide that after such a strenuous day I would like to get some early shut-eye. take two Tylenol PMs.
9:15: think to self, "I should feel guilty for having such a ridiculous day." 
9:16: think to self, "I don’t feel guilty.  I feel as though I kick ass." 
9:17: smile smugly.

The End

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11 Responses to “I Love the Interwebs”


  1. 1 Christina June 11, 2007 at 10:19 pm

    I’m so jealous of you right now, you have no idea. I curse you with a personal, mini-October storm! (just kidding) Anyway, you now somehow have fond memories of it. :)

  2. 2 Courtney June 12, 2007 at 12:26 am

    First of all, I love the term “interwebs.” Bob once spilled white wine on his old Delltop and in an effort to save it, he propped it up in an upside down V shape on the kitchen counter and left if overnight. In the morning, he somehow managed to drop it from its perch and the space bar fell off and was never the same again. Aside from the space bar problem, the Delltop was just fine. I think that as long as they’re not totally soaked, computers just need a little time to dry off and then they’re fine. Can I please have the recipe for Chick Pea Delight?

  3. 3 Dan June 12, 2007 at 12:55 am

    Ahhhhhhh…..welcome to the first day of being laid off by the BPO. What did I do today? I called many oil refuse companies, trying to find one that would come and pump out my heating oil tank in my basement that has had 100 gallons of heating oil sitting in it since Dec. of 2001. Fun job.

    I met my realator, signed some paperwork (I got a bid for my house!!!!!!!!!), went to have some Mexican for dinner (Cancun chicken burrito), went to Sears to look at appliences for the new digs, came home to eat a Perry’s Ice Cream fudgecicle (much better than Kate’s brand) and drank beer. Ahh, the life of the laid off/unemployed BPO musician.

  4. 4 johnsons June 12, 2007 at 3:20 am

    good gracious!thanks for this informative information.keep it up,goahead.

  5. 5 Kate June 12, 2007 at 8:14 am

    Courtney, I totally did the upside down computer thing because I remembered you telling me that’s how Bob saved his drowning computer. I think my computer came back to life because at no point did I panic. I mean I was a the LIBRARY looking at the interwebs mere moments after te accident occurred. I think the comput was all, “Well, she’s not going to give me any attention with this little stunt, I might as well just come back to life.” That is my theory.

    Dan, congrats on the house!

    Johnsons, I think you are spam, the first that I have ever seen on my website. If you ARE spam Eff off. If you are just a normal passerbyer, hello. Nobody click on that link, it takes you to some sort of MAKE A MILLION BUYING CRAPPY HOUSES type sites.

  6. 6 Cousin Mary June 13, 2007 at 9:03 pm

    Thanks for the warning about the “johnsons.” They annoyed me with their terrible writing style anyway.

    Dan, if I may, the person who helps sell your house is a REALtor. Many people say relator. But this nice person sells REAL estate, that is, property, and thus is a realtor.

    And many congratulations on getting an offer on your house. The market isn’t that great right now.

  7. 7 Kate June 13, 2007 at 11:17 pm

    Oh, Cousin Mary! You may have gone too far now! Dan is, at times, known to be cranky. You may have jostled the beast!

  8. 8 Dan June 14, 2007 at 2:19 pm

    realator, relator, realtor…… I don’t give a crap, as long as they sell my house and earn their grossly inflated pay. And I know its a realtor….I made a typing mistake

  9. 9 Courtney June 16, 2007 at 5:28 pm

    Bob and I were just discussing the whole relator/realtor thing this morning. We were watching the Arcata real estate channel and I remarked on how so very many people say relator when it is in fact, realtor with just two syllables. If you have a big cheap house in Big Texas, the Arcata real estate channel is fun to watch because in these parts, a double wide “manufactured home” goes for around $175,000. Suckers.

  10. 10 Leigh July 12, 2007 at 8:51 pm

    I love this post, and feel less guilty now about my own similar days. :)

    PS: Apple charges like $45 to speak to them on the phone. You made the right move.

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