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As you know, I am a big fan of marshmallows. I love them. I love them a lot.

Last winter, Schnookie and Pookie published this marshmallow recipe from the Culinary Institute of America “Baking and Pastry” cookbook on their food blog. I was too disheveled last year to make them myself, but for an entire year they were on the top of my “to make” recipe list.

Trouble is, I didn’t understand the measurements in the recipe. I have an admission to make: I do not understand measurement conversions. I think I must have killed the “conversion” portion of my brain with vodka sodas, because I’m not sure if I could convert ounces to cups if my VERY LIFE depended on my ability to do so. Like, if Tim Connolly held a gun to my head and said “Tell me how many tablespoons are in this bottle of Zima, or you’re going to die,” I’d probably just have to let him shoot me. Unless I can measure the ingredients with my measuring cups or my normal little measuring spoons, I AVOID THE RECIPE AT ALL COSTS.

The ingredients in the original recipe are measured by weight, and since my bathroom scale does not seem to register ounces, I had no idea what to do. I decided my best course of action was to whine to Schnookie, which turned out to be a great move, because in her enthusiasm for homemade marshmallows she almost immediately sat down and rewrote the recipe so that it was not only written in measurements that I could understand, but she also HALVED the recipe (which was important because apparently the original recipe makes forty million marshmallows). Schnookie is the best, no?

So, I followed the recipe exactly. I’d never worked with a candy thermometer before, so was a little nervous about the temperatures, but the process just wasn’t that difficult, and at the end, everything seemed to have gone as planned. After I made the marshmallows, I had to let them “set” for a few hours (there is gelatin involved). This is where the trouble began. After about four hours it did not seem like my marshmallows were going to stiffen enough. I was disappointed, but I just figured I hadn’t been exact enough with the temperature, or I hadn’t accurately guessed what constitutes a “medium peak” in marshmallow fluff during the whipping process. “Oh well,” I thought.

It was during this time of “I guess I effed up the marshmallows,” that Schnookie emailed me to explain that she had made a terrible miscalculation in the measurements. Sound the alarm bells! She had halved all the ingredients EXCEPT for the water. Instead of using one cup of water, she had instructed me to use TWO. This mistake seemed like a good explanation for why my marshmallows had failed to stiffen. We had a good laugh, I promised to try the marshmallows again the next day, and we chalked the whole thing up to experience. Because I’m lazy, I left the failed pan of marshmallows on the counter overnight, which the intention of throwing them out the next day.

WELL (could this story about marshmallows be any longer, by the way?), I woke up the next day, and they had TOTALLY stiffened overnight (that’s what she said). I had marshmallows! Not only did I have marshmallows, but I had totally PERFECT marshmallows. Fluffy, delicious, and all around FAB.

This lead to a lot of emailing along the lines of, “WHAAA? How did they WORK when you used an extra CUP of water? Are marshmallows some kind of miracle “no fail” substance? What is UO with marshmallow chemistry?!” I enjoyed the marshmallows, treated my friends to extra special cups of cocoa, and everyone was happy.

Everyone was happy, that is, UNTIL I tried to make another batch of marshmallows. That was decidedly UNhappy. At this point I figured that it was literally impossible to screw up marshmallows. I thought that if you add some combination of the ingredients, and heat them up and then whip them for awhile, eventually you’d have perfect marshmallows. It was with this new carefree marshmallow attitude that I set about to make the marshmallows with the correct amount of water.

From the get-go I knew my second batch was doomed. The pre-whipped marshmallow gunk was too thick. When I put it into the mixer it went directly from liquid to taffy. The first batch had gotten increasingly fluffy and voluminous in the mixer, the second batch just got stickier. There was way LESS of the goo when I poured the second batch into the pan to set, and after twelve hours sitting on the counter, the texture was just ALL wrong. They were…..chewy.

I’m sure you can see where this is going. Last night I made a third batch, using the INCORRECT amount of water, and today I have perfect marshmallows. People, I don’t know what to tell you. Schnookie, who I know to be a great cook, has been making these marshmallows for years, and she claims the recipe is good. I figure one of three things is going on here:

1. Schnookie and Pookie don’t know the difference between “marshmallows” and “taffy”. (unlikely)
2. There is some sort of dramatic altitude difference between Princton, NJ and Buffalo, NY. Altitude can make cooking wonky, right? Princton must be on a mountain range.
3. Something went wrong in the halving of the recipe and the conversion of the ingredients from weight to volume, and Schnookie’s original “mistake” was not really a mistake at all.

Anyhoo, a lot of you have asked for the marshmallow recipe. I want you to have it, because I want you to have homemade marshmallows, but I don’t know what to tell you about the water. I have had great success with an error in my measurements (and not just an error, a MAJOR error). Schnookie has had great success with the original recipe.

It’s a Marshmallow Mystery! (I should call the Pommerdoodle Detective Agency and put them on the case.)

So, without further ado (and honestly this post HAS to constitute the most ado in the history of marshmallows) I present to you the marshmallow recipe with the allegedly correct measurements. If you make these, please let me know how much water you used and how they turned out. All in all, I think this it’s extremely easy to make marshmallows.

The Marshmallow Recipe (kind of):

As written by Schnookie with notes by Katebits.

First step: Line whatever pan you’re using with parchment paper, or oil the pan liberally with cooking spray. I also try to dust the parchment with confectioner’s sugar, and today even mixed some cornstarch in. The fact is, it’s REALLY hard to un-mold these things, so worst case-scenario is that you’ll have to eat mangled chunks of marshmallow that you’ve wrestled or scraped out of the pan. They will still be delicious, though, so whatevs, right? [Katebits: Schnookie uses a big baking pan for the marshmallows, but I don't have one of those with a deep enough lip, so I just used a normal glass cake pan lined with parchment paper]

Okay, that done, you’re going to need:

–1/2 cup of cold water [Katebits: I use a FULL cup of water here]
–2 1/2 quarter-ounce packets of gelatin (they come in boxes of packets, each packet is 1/4 oz. You can TOTALLY eyeball the half-packet, but the whole recipe calls for five of them. Sorry.)
– 1 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract

Bloom the gelatin in the cold water in a microwave safe bowl. Just sprinkle the powder over the water and let it stand for about five or ten minutes, or while you work on the other steps. It’ll get awesome and spongy.

Then:

–1/2 cup of cold water [Katebits: Again, I use a FULL cup of water.]
–3/4 cup of corn syrup
–3/4 cup of honey
–1 1/2 cups of granulated sugar

Combine these four ingredients in a deep saucepan, and stir enough to ensure all the sugar is moistened. Bring to a boil over high heat, stirring to dissolve the sugar. When it comes to a boil, stop stirring. (When it comes to a rapid boil, it will foam up, which is why you want a deep saucepan. Don’t worry — it’ll settle back down again.) Let it boil, undisturbed, until it registered 252 degrees F (122 C). Remove it from the heat and cool it to approximately 210 F (this can be pretty imprecise, but I think the gist is you want it to not be going straight into your mixing bowl scorching hot.)

While the sugar mixture is cooling, microwave the gelatin for about 45 seconds to a minute to melt it. Stir in 1 1/2 teaspoons of vanilla extract.

Pour the cooled sugar mixture into the bowl of a stand mixer (with the whip attachment) and add the gelatin. (You can use a hand mixer for this, but it’s going to take a while.) Then whip the mixture on high speed until medium peaks form. (When I make the full recipe, this takes well over five minutes, but will probably go faster when you have less of the stuff.)

Spread the mixture into your prepared pan.

Let everything set for a few hours (I’ve let them sit as long as two days, which may be why they don’t ever want to come out of the pan), then turn onto a work surface liberally dusted with cornstarch or confectioner’s sugar. Cut the marshmallows with a sharp knife or scissors into your desired shapes. [Scissors have worked swimmingly for me.] We then dredge the marshmallows in confectioner’s sugar (the recipe says to use cornstarch, but who wants cornstarch in their cocoa?) on all the sticky sides and then knock the excess sugar off.

These can be stored in airtight containers for about a week (they start to get gooey after that long), and I recommend putting them in layers with wax or parchment paper between each layer. [Katebits: These did not last a week in my house. Try three days. Tops.]

Good luck

Anyhoo, I just spent an hour watching a ton of videos that make people feel better.  Here’s my favorite.  It’s called “Charlie bit me”.  I have no idea who these children are, but this video has it ALL.  Brotherly love, children with hilariously adorable British accents, valuable life lessons, good humor.

I’ve watched it like ten times.  You should too.  It might make you feel better.

Here’s what I bought:

It’s a felted fried egg made out of wool. It was three dollars.

Jeff and Dinesh think I overspent, but Robin and I agree that we’ve already squeezed 3 dollars worth of entertainment out of the egg. I carried it around the art festival like a trophy- that was pretty funny. I brought it home and lovingly photographed it- that was funny. I held it out for Charlotte, Robin’s dog, to smell and she took one dainty sniff and then gulped it up as if it were a REAL EGG- that was HILARIOUS. Then Robin and I had to wrestle it out of her locked jaw- that was side splittingly funny.

Watch it. She’ll snatch your egg.

Once we got the egg away from Charlotte, Robin hand washed it in the sink and then put it in the dish rack to dry- awesomely hilarious.

If you don’t think that’s kind of funny, you’re no friend of mine.

The egg promises to be at the center of hijinx for days to come. It was totally worth three dollars.

1. Shoes that come to a sharp point. Feet aren’t shaped like that.

2. Married people with joint email accounts

3. That episode of Arrested Development where Tobias keeps entering the scene by coming out of the fireplace. Whaa?

4. Whether or not eggs are healthy

5. Pi

6. Facebook

7. Why a person would want to eat “fudge” when perfectly delicious, non-gross chocolate exists.

8. Deal Or No Deal

9. Which fish is safe/environmentally friendly for eating

10. The phrase “the exception that proves the rule”. I understand what people mean when they say it, I just don’t understand how an exception proves a rule. In fact, shouldn’t the exception prove that the rule is bullhonky?

1. Tall old ladies

2. Standing at line at Spot Coffee and telling the woman behind me, “I like your baby” (as if I were talking about a jacket or a haircut), and getting the good-natured response, “Thanks. He’s new.”

3. Absolut Mandarin and soda

4. Texting

5. Making jokes on the way to Artpark about stopping at Fantasy Island, eating funnel cake and going on some rides, and then calling in sick dizzy to work.

6. Three-legged dogs

7. Men who think robots and monkeys are funny/scary.

8. Egg McMuffins without the egg

9. Freshly sharpened pencils

10. People who not only understand that some jokes get funnier with repetition, but who also agree with me about WHICH jokes get funnier with repetition.

Janz and I have been joking about starting a International Guitar Hero Competition for quite some time. For some reason, Guitar Hero is never not funny to us. The joke took on a life of its own this afternoon, when Janz officially entered the field of competition.

Here is his story:

Janz nervously warms up backstage

Janz discusses his tempos with JoAnn before the rehearsal

Janz fulfills his dream of being an International Guitar Hero with a Symphony Orchestra.

Special thanks to JoAnn Falletta who was a great sport about our goofy scheming this afternoon. She didn’t bat an eyelash when Janz and I knocked on her dressing room door holding a plastic guitar.

I’m going to try a little crossposting between TWC and Oh For Fun. Due to the hockey off season, my writing topics have gotten a lot broader lately, so, if I think I’ve got a post that is sufficiently sports-free, I’ll post it here too.

Just to get us off the ground, here’s a silly little post that I wrote a few days ago.

Three Things Having Nothing to Do With Hockey

1. I finally made it past the hard level of “Before I Forget” by Slipknot on Guitar Hero. This accomplishment represents a lot of hard work and dedication, and I would like to thank everyone who patiently stood by me as I attempted to fufill my dream of “You Rock”ing. It hasn’t been easy, but we did it. Hopefully, I will never hear that song again.

2. I just saw the Sex and the City movie and this will contain some SPOILERS. Now, I loved the show. Yeah, it’s silly and frothy and not really based in reality, but I thought it was frequently funny, and every once in awhile, even I, a crusty old spinster with a heart of cold steel, had to admit, “I’ve been there, sister. Well, not THERE (in those dumb shoes and making that annoying cutesy squeally noise), but I’ve totally been in the vicinity of that relationship problem.” So there I was, cruising along, loving the movie for a solid two hours, when all of a sudden it took a turn for the hideous. Young people of TWC, please listen to me. If someone leaves you at the alter after years of on-again off-again turmoil, you should NOT go to Mexico, dye your hair, and then get back together with him one year later. You should go to Mexico, dye your hair, and then one year later realize that while it was horrible at the time, you are ultimately grateful for the fact that you did not wind up married to a total tool. M’kay? Then, on your way out of the movie theater, you should make a mental note of when the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 is coming out, because you KNOW those sassy girls are going to go on a journey of self discovery where they do NOT wind up married to a bunch of tools. Those pants won’t steer a girl wrong. You can take that to the bank.

3. It’s too hot, yo.

Rather than this being a depressing realization, it’s been absolutely liberating. I’m happier at work, I’m less angsty in general, and I feel fully committed to my life in Buffalo. Fully committed. As in: this is the life that I choose. Someday I might choose another life, but when and if I do, I will be choosing that life, not some audition committee behind a screen choosing me. For the first time in my entire life, I can honestly say, I do not give one flying fuck what the people behind the screen think of me.

This attitude has led to some interesting changes in other aspects of my life, including the one I am here to talk to you about: blogging. Writing Oh For Fun was the first time in my life when I found myself earnestly working on something over a sustained period of time that wasn’t the viola. Blogging has played a huge role in my life over the last two years. I have found a voice that I was previously trying to channel into the viola; only this voice came with absolutely no baggage. I haven’t been blogging since I was a child. I didn’t major in blogging at Oberlin. I haven’t used blogging my entire life as a measuring stick of my success. I felt no need to prove anything to anyone with my blog. There was no blogging committee sitting behind a screen, waiting to catch a mistake so they can kick me off the internet. Blogging has been the easiest thing I have ever done, and it’s also the thing I’ve worked the hardest on (which is shocking when you realize I’ve been practicing the viola since I was seven).

Oh For Fun has been the musings of my internal mind. I have used this platform to hone a voice, and to practice writing, to try things out, to share myself, to work hard, and to make my friends and family laugh. It’s been an absolute joy, and I don’t think I could ever overestimate how much this platform has fundamentally changed how I measure my potential and my happiness. Blogging has been incalculably good for me.

The Willful Caboose, is my first baby step out of my own head, and into the world at large with my writing. With TWC I am attempting to use the skills I have cultivated here, and actively apply them to something specific, something that has an appeal beyond “Kate Holzemer”. I am working on TWC with incredible devotion, and it is paying off in terms of traffic and interest in the blog. I have no idea what a hockey blog can lead to exactly, but I can say that it has already provided amazing friends, a refocused creativity, TONS of laughs, and an absolute fascination with how the medium of “blogging” has the potential to change the way we receive and share information. Oh For Fun has felt intensely personal, and The Willful Caboose has felt like presenting a “product”- a product that I am very proud of and that I feel has potential to evolve and grow.

I am so sorry that I have not been keeping up with Oh For Fun. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that people miss it, and want it back. I just don’t know how to manufacture my enthusiasm. I tried with Nambloogooho, but it just felt incredibly forced. I don’t want Oh For Fun to ever feel like the audition screen, and so rather than trying to propel myself through the motions of blogging here, I am choosing to let it be. I’m not quitting Oh For Fun, I’m just channeling my energy into The Willful Caboose right now. I’m certain that someday the pendulum will swing back.

The reason I have written this big long post is that I desperately want you guys, the people who have always so generously read Oh For Fun, to understand how much your support has meant to me, and how responsible I still feel to this blog and to the people who read it. I am happier, more peaceful, and more confident today than I have been in 32 years, and I really believe that a lot of this contentment started here, on Oh For Fun, with you. I love you guys.