Shrank

For reasons I can’t fully explain, this picture utterly delights me.  I don’t know what tricky camera angle was used to make Kaite Holmes look so gi-normous and Tom Cruise so very wee, but this is seriously making me laugh.

Plus, look at his hair and his double chin.  That guy is such a teeny tiny tool. 

Hee.

Cozy

It has been pretty cold in Buffalo for the last few days.  Right now it is 48 degrees outside.  I love fall, but this is too much too soon.  I refuse to put on a winter coat in September, so I have been scurrying around trying to pretend I am not cold. 

This morning I woke up to the ultimate cozy feeling.  The heat in my apartment came on last night.   For the first time in three days, I am warm and comfy.

Ahhhhhh.

Faker

This kid is standing on the mall in Santa Monica, fake playing the violin.  Note the portable sound system.

Awesome.

Live and Learn

One of my greatest frustrations in life is that plastic thing they put on the top of the new deodorant.  It is impossible to get that thing off.  Every time I buy a new deodorant I fly into a blind rage trying to remove that horrible plastic guard. 

Usually, after my fingers start to bleed from the prying, I resort to using my teeth.   Biting doesn’t actually work either, and it really hurts.  The most annoying part of this process is reading the directions on the deodorant which say "twist to remove guard".  I have twisted that effing thing until tears of frustration were streaming down my cheeks.  TWISTING DOESN’T WORK.

I hate that little plastic thing so much.  My hatred of that plastic thing is so intense, that I have seriously considered writing angry letters to deodorant manufacturers.  Angry letters, full of cursing.

______________________________________________________________________

I recently learned something incredible……

Apparently, the direction to "twist" does not refer to the plastic guard.  Oh no.  The consumer is meant to twist the deodorant, causing it to rise and making the plastic guard quite easy to remove. 

You guys probably already knew this.

 

I have been using deodorant for nearly two decades, and I have just now discovered how to remove the plastic guard without wanting to kill myself and everyone else within a five mile radius.

!!

Can you believe I have managed to survive for thirty-one years without protective head gear?

Secret Admirer

Look what I found under my windshield wiper today!

I’m not going to lie, this little note made me feel pretty good.  I am choosing to believe it was left by one of my friends riding by on their bike, and not some creepy-stalkery-type.  It is nice how an unexpected, sweet gesture can turn a day around. 

Since leaving well enough alone is not my strong suit, I have compiled a list of  "prime suspects".

Robin- This is exactly the kind of nice thing she would do, plus she rides her bike all over tarnation.
Deb- ditto
Amelie- This is right up her alley, but since she no longer lives in Buffalo I would say she is a long shot.  I miss Amelie and her kindness.  I gotta call her!
Jeff the Bartender- Lets face it, that guy has been in love with me for years.
Alex Blumberg- Consider this possibility:  Alex Blumberg found my website, and he’s (naturally) in love with me and my blog.  This weekend, he traveled to Buffalo with the intention of asking for my hand in marriage.  Unfortunately, upon seeing me on the street, he became paralyzed by my beauty and grace.  Too scared to approach me, he instead left a note on my car, professing his true feelings.

(Private to Alex Blumberg- Don’t worry, this happens a lot when men meet me for the first time.  I have come to understand that my allure can be intimidating.  After you get to know me, you will realize I am quite warm and unassuming.  My beauty is a curse…)

That creepy guy at Merlin’s-  Sigh.  It’s probably him.
Stefan- Let’s face it, that guy has been in love with me for years.
The Cute Computer Spy From Jen’s Wedding-  He would have had to go to quite a bit of trouble to locate me and my car, but he is a spy, so he has the means. 
Trixie- Trixie is a cat, and she lives in Batavia, but (if she remembers me at all) she does love me.
My Mother-  This is totally something she would do.
Jon Lombardo- Let’s face it, that guy has been in love with me for years.
The Crazy Lady at Wilson Farms- I think she was checking me out today.
My Mailman-  All mailmen love me.  I am like crack to mailmen.
Bernie- Let’s face it, that guy has been in love with me for years.

In all seriousness, thank you to the person who left the note.  It made my day.

Eff You, Meredith Grey

I have been feeling a little blue the last couple days.  No particular reason.  I think I am practicing too much, and I KNOW I’m watching too much Grey’s Anatomy.  Grey’s Anatomy is so effing depressing.  It’s all, death dying death heartache childhood-death sickness sad-pretty-people sad sad death sad sad sigh death sad BOMB death death sad cry cry sighsighsighsighsighsighsigh ANGER sad sad anger sadlove lonelylove angrylove sad sickness death cry heartache-with-a-side-of-death.

And for pete’s sake Meredith Grey, eat a freaking sandwich.  Maybe Dr. McDreamy would leave his cold, cheating wife if you didn’t look so much like a used pipe cleaner.

God.

Baby Lucy

I love this little baby cave girl.  Isn’t she cute?  I wish I could have a little cave girl.  They recently found her 3.3 million year old bones in Ethiopia.  All of the scientist are pretty worked up over her.  I have a soft spot for early humans because of a class I took in college about evolution.  The professor showed us a slide of the fossilized footprints of two upright walking human-like creatures.  The two sets of footprints were clearly an adult and a child walking side by side.  Then the professor pointed out tiny details about the footprints, details which when analyzed by professional fossil-footprint-scientific-nerdy-analysts, indicted that the two  creatures had been holding hands as they walked.  Aww.  What is cuter than a momma and baby ape/human having a stroll hand in hand?  NOTHING!  Nothing I tell you!  The mental image of these early people warmed the icy cockles of my frozen heart.   

Human beings are often stupid and violent.   I am oddly nostalgic for a time before our species blossomed into the bags of neuroses that we are now.  In human history, there was a magical time before we invented mass anxiety and war, but after we realized that holding hands is awesome.  It makes me happy to imagine.

Here is an artist rendition of what the child skull would look like with fur and a face:

Don’t you just love her?

Statistics

Monday – Wednesday

6 hours in car driving back and forth from Buffalo to Olean.
4 education concerts performed (two more to go).
1 ginger peach candle burned.
67 times I’ve cried during Grey’s Anatomy season 2.
3 delicious items prepared in my kitchen by me.
2 more days until I find out if I have E coli.
1 brand new audition book lost
1 day I decided to knit instead of practice due to the loss of my book
3 feet of baby blanket knit.
3 beloved friends that I think about everyday, but I have not talked to in weeks.
7 more days until payday.
108 times I’ve changed my mind about the number of auditions to take.

2-Day Forecast

67% chance of near future crying
98.3% chance of practicing
71% chance of proper blogging
62% chance that I will cook something tasty
3% chance that Alex Blumberg will get in touch
1% chance that I eat spinach
57% chance I will go on a hike

 

I’m 100% sure that this post is a real stretch.

I’ve got nothing, people. (except E coli)

Audition Book

Because of my impending E coli related death, I have been taking stock of my life. 

I have spent much of my life practicing the viola.

This fall I will be taking a few orchestra auditions.  When you apply for a job in an orchestra you are required to learn a bunch of orchestral excerpts.  I spend a lot of my practicing time working on short snippets of music.  Rather than carry around a huge stack of parts, it is easier to photocopy the excerpts and bind them together in cute little audition book.  I always start preparing for auditions by going to Kinkos, and making a book.  Here is the book I made on Friday:

Over the years I assembled quite a collection of these little guys. 

This isn’t even all of them.  I have taken a few auditions for which I never bothered to make a book.  Some auditions I have taken multiple times using the same book.  Each of these books represents hundreds of dollars in traveling expense, and dozens of practice hours.  More significant than the money or the practice hours, each one of these books represents a lot of emotional energy.  I often think that I loathe taking auditions, but clearly, there is something about me that thrives in this competitive field.  I am surprisingly fond of my audition books.

Here is the audition that I won:

Here are the jobs I really, REALLY wanted:

Here are the jobs I almost won:

Here are the auditions I took that were WAY out of my league:

Here are the auditions that really caused me to doubt myself:

Here are the auditions that still make me feel proud, even though I didn’t win:

Orchestra auditions are a big fat load of crap really, but they are the load of crap I have to deal with until I have "the job", or I decide to call it quits.  One might think that this growing pile of audition books might be depressing for me, but actually I find them somewhat comforting.  They are a nice reminder that there is always another audition, and that nothing (especially anxiety over an audition) is permanent.

It’s just a silly game.  These books are simply mementos of the journey. 

E Coli

I am pretty sure I have E Coli.  Over the last three days I have eaten an entire bag of EarthBound Farms mixed baby greens, which includes spinach.  Six people in Erie County have E coli from eating the exact spinach that I ate.  Symptoms start about seven days after the victim has been infected, which means I’ll know by Friday if I have E Coli. 

Oops.  I guess I should listen to the news every once in awhile.

I’m really honked about this whole spinach thing.  I like fresh spinach, I eat it all the time.

Tomorrow, in preperation for E Coli, I am going to clean the house, and
write my last will and testement. (Ashley, you can have my remaining
ginger peach candles.)

Eff you, E Coli.

UPDATE!

Natural Selections Food (the company that is trying to give us all E coli), has announced that no cases of E coli have been reported from organic spinach!  Hooray!  Bless you Ashley for making me buy the weird organic greens from the weird organic produce section at Wegmans.  Until last Tuesday I have never ONCE purchased organic greens.  Ashley, you have saved my life with your hippie ways. 

I’m gonna live!